Gosh, I feel kind of bad, I only use this when I feel like crap.

Its summer. Yay?


Summer, its just another hot season, and plus, I have summer school.

Theres also my friends that want to leave me out, and my boyfriend that is self-conceited.

My friends,

I got invited to go to the movies with them a couple of days ago.
I wasn't sure about when it was, so I asked a friend...
I said something like "ah, I haven't seen these people in a while ^^" and he replies with
"Well, we only invited you because we felt sorry for you if we left you out"
Thanks a lot.

Also, another with the movies...
Friend asks me if I want to go, I say, sure, what time (she heard about the other friends)
she probably didn't expect me to say yes, so she suddenly told me I shouldn't, because the people would hate me.

I know I know, I'm hated by crowds. People hate me even if they don't know me.
Its because of my looks... I know. Meh.

Now, the self-conceited boyfriend...

These days I haven't been that happy because of friends,
a lot of stress from school and stuff too,
he doesn't seem to notice anything about my strange behavior.
Yea, I know, I'm trying too hard to get the attention... but its way better than what my boyfriend does.
Whatever is happening that is keeping me down, he uses to make him look like hes a poor guy, with a horrible life.
He would call himself a worthless human, or some BS like that.
He makes me do things that are a little hard and stressful (stay up real late, wake up real early, make time)
but when it comes to him, he doesn't even bother doing anything.

I have to pay a lot of money just to call him (international call) but he never wants to call me.
I have to stay up until 5 to talk to him, but he sleeps or does whatever whenever he wants.
I have to wake up at 4 am, but he never wakes up early, he actually goes out to do things on weekends.

Why am I making so much time for him, just to hear him say "I'm sleepy, cya" for that day?
Gosh, just call your granny to listen to your damn complaints and how tired you are.
I'm not going to feel sorry for you all the time and hug you till you feel better.
If I lived near him, not 9 hours (plane-wise) away, I would give him a good punch.
Or a kick.

Damn it all.

I haven't posted here in about half a year...

I guess ever since I've started high school, I've been pretty busy.

Not like anyone reads these anyways... but hey, I'll still write this :D


Hmm... A lot has changed since summer.


I'm not into much j-rock/visual-kei anymore. I still like them, but I don't look on the sites to see their latest cds, I don't look for their magazines or magazine scans and I don't go on the batsu forum and talk about them either.

I've been into more anime, or that kind of stuff.

Also I've been into idols, of course girls, not guys. Hello Project mainly.



Oh and I guess one big? thing.
I got a boyfriend, around last month. I don't know if thats big or small, depending on how you see it.

Of course, no one around me though.... and no one around my age either. Hes 25, and lives in japan and we met online, but its not the fake myspace relationships. He confessed to me after like... a week of talking, and the process was very fast. He knows how I look like since I've uploaded videos on a japanese video site... But of course I don't show my face there, so I gave him photos. Meh, my face isn't that great... I know what he looks like too, btw. Since we can't meet, we basically talk for many hours, and I have to stay up until 5 or 6 because of the time difference.  We have many things in common and apparantly he has a fetish for fat people... and I'm fat so I guess thats how he started talking to me. Although... I'm going on a diet right now and have lost 10 pounds... he said he doesn't care, and that he likes girls that are doing their best... although he did admit he wanted me to stay overweight. I find it kind of strange that people actually like fatter girls. Usually its, "I don't care about people's looks or weight"

Other things...

I got a new phone...? Today. The new G1. Its something you need to get used to, and its not all touch screen like the iPhone... but I like it a lot.

Hmm... nothing else much.

I might post more often here, depending on if I remember to... haha.

The word "fat". A lot of people tend to not say it directly in front a person... Because it sounds harsh. They subtitute it with "chubby" or "overweight" or "obese". Why not just tell it to me "You're a fat bitch". If they can't get you, they use the word. And you just have to try to become skinny.

What is skinny? Is it when you're down to your ribs and you have nothing left but skin and your insides? Is it when you finally become underweight? Is it when you're smaller and thinner than everyone else you know? Why does everyone have the goal to become a skinny person? Why not healthy? Or regular sized?

And why does this matter about women more than men? They're not as skinny as sticks all the time... and yet they don't have to think about weight as much as us women. Why do we have to look stick skinny?

So many questions to the people that call us people fat. I want to tell those people that tell other people "haha, you're so fat... why don't you lose those pounds like us?" .... Us? We're not qualified as people? Because of our size? Or because they want to feel special? Yea, I'll try to lose pounds.... For my health. NOT for the people around me. I rather be fat and stand out instead... but for my health its bad, that means I might get more sicknesses, more hurdles to go over... And no one wants that. Its not like I'm not trying... Its not as easy as some people that don't eat for a day, and all of the sudden they're 1 size smaller...

Sorry I know it doesn't even go out to you guys... but I'm just mad at my parents. Everytime they get mad at me, they don't look at me as an equal. And they're excuse is, "We're not fat like you" Is that even a reason? Can't you be in higher position if you looked bigger than someone?

Ayabie's new single is out! (Actually, it was out yesterday, so I'm 1 day late ;=;)

It sounds great!!! Digital Neverland's first part sounds really funny, but those kind of things make me want to listen to it over and over again... Aoi's voice sounds as great as his talking voice (that smexy voice of his... along with Yumehito's!) he should put the "やぁだ～” in there too.

1. Mikazuki no Kiseki

It has that kind of effect in there, sounds like trumpets to me. Or some kind of instrument. But that adds the uniqueness... and you can totally hear the guitars real good in there. The bass is also noticable, which I like, I hate it when it just sounds like the bass is not even in there... I like the 2nd part of the chorus... XD

2. Digital Neverland

First part just sounds funny. XP Sounds like some robot is going to be dancing to this, for some reason... well its digital? (uh wait, robots don't even have to do anything with digital, does it? O_o) This song's beat is nice and steady, the whole melody is steady. It doesn't go slow then fast, or fast then slow, it just goes at the same rhythm or beat the whole song... ^____^

3. Harenohi

Gosh, I LOVE THE CLAP TYPE THINGS. I have a feeling this is the song that they played at the concert... or maybe I'm just imagining things. XD It sounds a little old style... I really want to know who made all the songs, for some reason digital neverland seems like its made by yumehito... randomly. I love the chorus! when he says "yura yura" that just makes me want to repeat it over and over again.

4. Hinageshi

The first part sounds like fireworks, I think it is. It sounds a bit romantic, like a good song that would be played at the end of a concert, because it sounds upbeat, but a little... uhh what do you call it in english... A PV would be good with this in my opinion. A good story might go good with this song! XD

The weather is... slowly killing me =.=;;

I like it when its cold, but I don't like it when its awkward, not hot, not cold.

Well, I'm happy that my summer seems like it will be busy, but fun.



June 19th - Ayabie Concert at LA (YAY!)

July 3-6 - Anime Expo 2008

Somewhere between July and August - Japan~ YAY! I get to go somewhere around Tokyo...


Can't wait~ I think I got a tan, because I went swimming in the blazing hot sun ^_^;;

I need to find something, that will take me off of everything in the world. I neeeeeed one. Or a boyfriend ^_^

I finally found someone I would really want to be with. I share the same hobbies and interests as him. He has pretty good looks, not bad, not so handsome. Just good enough. I don't look for looks anyways. I got my friend to introduce me to him... kind of. She tried, and then she kind of couldn't, but I thought maybe I should just go for it, and he became a good friend of mine in... 10 minutes. He used to date (or so my friend claims) my good friend, I'm not sure if I trust her on that, since a lot of people say that its not true. I see him every week at japanese school, and I've seen him up close about two, three times before. He has highlights, and his bangs are long enough to cover his eyes. Hes not too tall (thank goodness, because I'm short) and hes not fat or anything. He likes anime/manga/bishoujo games which usually I don't see around here. He likes to cosplay (as a girl, Suzumiya Haruhi to be exact) and he does some of the anime dances that I know too. He introduced me a new game which I like, and hes really nice too. Theres one problem to all of this. Hes moving to japan (moving back to be exact... I think) this summer. I could only talk to him for about 2 months, maybe 3 months. Its pretty sad, since I finally found someone I would really want to put my full power into, and I don't even get a chance.

It seems like my friends have gotten one confession, more, and I have not gotten one yet. The one I got long time ago, was a fake, a few friends of his set it up, and it was a dare. I don't get why he actually accepted. I have confessed a lot of times before, usually the answers were unclear. Then they end up getting into awkward relationships, and I never see or talk to them again. My last recent crush, was a failure. I didn't even confess, but he ended up knowing because of that girl. It feels weird to think that I didn't even try, and I failed.

So, I finally had the chance to get back on here... Next stop, Batsu Forums...

So yea, So I went there, checked a few things too.

Might as well write an entry here.....

My life hasn't been fun or boring lately, got into the school I wanted to, but had some problems with friends and such, etc. Just excited to go already, I hate my current school, its just... horrible. Too much relationships, and complicated things. No one thinks equally, they just have to think, that if you look bad, if you don't dress the same, if you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend, you're lame. But I'm slowly starting to deal with it, not like it would change either way...

Yesterday was a great day, and all of the sudden, today is like hell. Wonder why, and when my parents hear about this, they always tell me "BAD KARMA, do your religion" I don't like religion itself, I have nothing against it, but I don't want to spend my life chanting everyday. And my crush finally started not ignoring me (for like... yesterday) he even waved to me, smiling. That I haven't seen for a couple of months, he did nothing but go to my enemy, which is still my enemy. He also picked up his cellphone (He didn't do that ever since... January) and I asked him about schedules, etc. Haven't had the courage to do anything with him, or talk to him, after stupid enemy made him do things to me that I would always have to remember, even though I didn't want to. In fact, he told me that he may never like me, and never want to be my boyfriend or anything. I'm fine with that, its not like I expected to anyways. Maybe one day he'll realize my enemy (or his crush) is a phony and will start being good friends with me again, but until then, my daydreams are about how I should get rid of the girl, how to kill her, or maybe how I can commit suicide, and make him hate her instead. They seem to be talking less, but not today, shes starting to use him again, hes falling for the bait, the cheap bait that you can go buy at a toy store, the ones made out of cheap plastic. She constantly whines about not getting hugs, wanting to cry for bad days, etc. Shes a weak person in the first place... She just fakes to be strong. She actually wants guys to look at her man boobs and her man butt. Thats why she wears those t-shirts that have big gold letters that always say "Be careful what you wish for" maybe its pointing to herself. She tends to wear weird sweats too. It has letters on her butt... and it makes her butt look bigger, but shes too buff.

She likes to also copy many people, right now she copies everyone with liking hot japanese guys which she calls "eye candy". Its her little hobby. It used to be that she liked visual kei, since my friends liked it too. Now its my own unique thing among my friends. She copies everyones favorite mangas animes, whatever. She does whatever sport her friends do. Then she says "Its a coincidence how I have the same hobbies as my BFFs!!" Totally fake. More like, she has no BFFs. She came apologizing after the incident, and the only reason she did, is because my good friends got mad at her, for doing such horrible things. After I told her I wouldn't forgive her, she goes on saying "You're stupid anyways, you're too fat, have bad style, and your tears aren't worth anything" How stupid.

Ok, ending this, since no one wants to see this stupid thing in their friends page, or something, and they have to scroll down a lot.

I am truly mad right now....

WHAT THE HECK IS THIS BAD LUCK WEEK!??
z
On Monday I get a little present from the seagull's butt on my head (and I couldn't wash it off for an hour and it was at school) And today, OH JOY! Well, first it was all right, until around when I hit my head on a railing, someone threw a bottle cap at me, then someone whacks me with a bag of books, then my locker gets ant infested, then I couldn't eat lunch because there was ants everywhere, then some boy at Art class kept on telling me weird things and trying to say the worst things (ex. "YOU CAN'T DRAW" "You're a loner" "You just want to fit in, and thats why you talk to you friends" etc) then, I have a boy that keeps on telling me "POTATO HAMSTAHHHHH" to me, because he told me to draw him a hamster, and he ended up calling it a potato. Ugh. And when I tell this to my dad, he gives me some shit (sorry for the bad language) about buddhism, and that I should chant if I want my life to be better, etc.

Anyways, ending this up with, MY LIFE SUCKS. And another complaint (sorry if anyone has to read this) I hate a girl at my school still, and she keeps on wanting everyone to be her boyfriend. Its annoying. She appeals to everyone. She thinks shes pretty, and every time she comes to me, she talks about how close of a relationship she is to my crush. OH JOY. she goes up to me, and shes like "like my new haircut? I think it looks like ___'s! (Sorry, can't say who... Although no one I really know at school is reading) Its just annoying. And she makes everyone buy her stuff, and she bosses them around, and kicks them. She has a boyfriend by the way. Yet, after being such a jerk, everyone goes to her, because they LOVE her. hey, I've never done anything like that, but everyone doesn't like me because I'm short, fat, and I don't draw as good as the girl. (She draws in a different style, and shes horrible at it.)

ok, ending the long paragraph, since I'm going to go on forever XP

*Sigh* School is boring, life is boring.

Nothing exciting.

Everyday is just filled with Junk. Teachers not teaching the right stuff. Friends not really acting like friends. Pets not being comforting. Parents not trying to be responsible. What has the world come to?

I don't feel anything from anything anymore it seems like. The only thing that seems to help me be me, is Nico Nico Douga and its people and videos. (THANK YOU ABEKO, without you, I would have died.) The older I become, I just want to stay home, or stay inside, and my inner otakuness just keeps on coming out. I keep on wanting to now cosplay, draw, dance, or something, but I never feel like doing homework. Of course, its hard to have a day with full excitement, that just can't happen all the time. But I want the rain to stop for once, and maybe go with my "friends" to the park instead of just doing nothing.

Seems like everyone just doesn't want to play in parks anymore. Only 1 or 2 other people do, and everyone else goes to buy things, or goes to drink things, and I seem like more of an exercising person after this, but never will I get as skinny as everyone else. I made sure I wasn't just dreaming (since a lot of people tell me, with a fake smile, that I'm not TOO fat.) and looked at myself in many ways, mirrors, video tapes, pictures. Mirrors seem to be the ones that make you seem skinnier, because the pictures and videos show my fatness. And now I have to be careful for what I eat, and even after doing that, I still need to lose about... 30 pounds.

And the most depressing thing right now is that the fact my good friend tries to cheer me up with things, but she keeps on making me more depressed. More like, everytime she goes "don't worry!" she puts in the comment "although last week, I saw that person doing something else with another girl". Actually, all my friends say something similar. Instead of them telling me to try my best to have the person I like, like me back, they keep on telling me "Give up on that guy, you don't match him" "Why don't you have a crush on someone else? You'll never be with the person you like right now" These are the most depressing comments, for someone to tell me that I should go like someone else that would actually fit me. And yet, no one notices because they're real dumbasses that think they are so cool because they have millions of people crushing on them, and they like millions of other people, and such.

Ok, ending my loooong entry for today ^^

PS: Japanese School is a pain, especially when all the people there are younger than you.

Its been tiring =.=;;

All because of my mom. She hates my cute little bird, Kili (since we have 14.... to her, losing one or two is ok) and yesterday, Kili got out of his cage. I was on the computer, looking at some Nico Nico Douga stuff, when she told me "Kili is out of the cage again..." I told her to just put him back, because he bites me, but Kili doesn't bite my mom. Apparantly, it meant that he was on the floor, downstairs, and running around for food. She got mad at the fact that

1. My dad got cheap on food, and gave him half the amount he was suppose to
2. We accidently forgot to lock the cage
3. Kili was running around her foot, when she was playing piano

It was... 9 o' clock? It was raining, and it was so cold, so I decided to get my pajamas on, when I hear my dad calling me.  I go downstairs, replying with "whaaaaat" but I notice, my mom is waving... at my backyard door.... to something. My dad quickly tells me what happened, which was "she put Kili out in the backyard!!!" "I don't know where Kili went after that...." "I think he flew away somewhere" I was in shock ;=; I quickly looked around the backyard, but with our puny little flashlight, we couldn't see him. We started calling his name (and very loudly, poor neighbors) and I heard him calling, so I ran up to Kili (which was running around, near the park bathroom) when Kili flew away, over my neighbor's house. Then the story gets long, my mom gets more mad, my dad searches some more, we search more, we get locked out accidently, etc.

Next morning, I woke up, at 8:00, (and i wanted to sleep in =3=) because my dad was shaking me violently. He pushed an animate object into my face, so I thought it was my other bird, Ringo. When I opened my eyes, it was a green bird, slightly wet, puffed up. My dad told me he had found Kili on my neighbor's tree. Wow, what a smart bird. Apparantly Kili responded to my dad's calling, and flew back to him XD

Right now, hes right next to me, trying to sleep.... I think. Or maybe hes just trying to stay warm ^_^;;

Gah, it got long, but now I can write this for my stupid memoir for school.... Or else I would have had to talk about something like... "The time I got lost in a mall" or something and put some lies to make it interesting.

Happy New Years~

-keroandsuppy

I've never been so happy in my whole life (well... actually I've been happier, but who cares!)

MY VIDOLL CD... ITS FINALLY HERE! And I'm so glad I ordered from Brand X (Although it took a while to come, but I blame the shitty post office people) It came with the promised poster, and a photo and the booklet was GORGEOUS! A little surprised that Bastard (the song) was really nice sounding. O_o Of course it also came with a dvd. Actually 2 for me~~ There was a special comment DVD for brand-x only!!!!! *jumps around*

If you want it, I might be able to rip it, but I'm going to put a password on the file, and stuff, so yea. I'll tell you guys (only a few people are here... if they even look at my journal.)

I'm kind of hungry though~~

So... for my language art class... we have to write a biography and follow a strict rubric from our bad teacher... which is killing both me and my friends O_o My head huuuuurrrtsssss....

But good newwws! The Vidoll Album should be out... in two days! That means tuesday in America (Pacific Time..?) And the preview stuff is up for SuG~~ Yay~ I have finally gotten to the anime series, and started watching some.

Gars. I need something to sooth my soul~ (Like... uhhh I don't know, foood~?)

Brand-X added the following info for the Vidoll Album (yay~)

This album (limited edition) will come with now

- A Poster
- An Artist Card
- A Comment DVD
- The Footage from the J-rock Revolution

4 THINGS! *squeals*

Finally, I'm writing in my journal... I keep on forgetting! Not like anyone ever checks.... =__= (all my friends, real friends, are too busy thinking about theirselves, although they check the gay guy's stupid blog >:O)

Oh well, thats cool, because I can talk bad stuff about them on here!!! XD

Well... I think school people are pathetic. Everyone keeps on ignoring me, since I'm too short for anyone to notice. They're moving my locker to somewhere shorter... I got stepped on today! I totally failed on the test I forgot to study. I can't do anything for PE because my leg, and its SO boring watching everyone doing something and I can't just go to the school library and do study hall.

OH NOT TO MENTION! The stupid girl *coughalicecough* at my school that wails all the time. She starts complaining about my other friends blaming her, and starts wailing about her parents wanting to send her to china (its one of those common threats, when you do something bad, they usually say, "I'm going to send you away to _______" and make you behave better... In my case it was "If you don't be good, I'll send you to the navy and make them give you HARD labor, for you lazy butt!!!" =__=) i was suppose to practice a Suzumiya Haruhi dance with my friends... but they were too busy feeling sorry for this stupid girl, and when I gave the advice to stop crying, because that does NOTHING (and ive tried, it never does anything for me!!!) and then everyone was like "Shut up, go away, go home" and we didn't get to practice

Anyways, enough of my complaining, since Jui's nice soothing voice (I was listening to Toumei Nakago on the way home) relieved me. XD

Hey everyone~

Not like theres that much people... @_@

I finally got to go to Japantown... and they had some good stuff (I was disappointed at their wimpy magazine collection there)

Found some good looking figures... I bought a small Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu one, and also one with random characters... but I got the one I wanted, Dokuro-chan from Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan!! *cheers*

So, I'm in a happy mood. Also, I found my friend a present for his birthday party... And I have to go to the bowling thing tomorrow, even though I can't bowl.

I also got to draw some good stuff... and my friend was there with me, and we were just drawing away (we were slumping so badly... that my back started to hurt SOOO bad)

I finally decided to use this as my blog/journal thing ^____^

I can probably upload some stuff too~

http://ringocchinoheya.wordpress.com/

This is where I keep my songlist.... If anyone visits this livejournal.... you can request a song from here XD (and don't forget to tell me what you want me to upload with ex. Mediafire, Megaupload, Sendspace, etc)

And 1 at a time, I don't have a super computer that uploads in under 10 seconds @x@

I think thats all....

I'm currently not in a good mood~ its right now  7:27 AM (I was suppose to wake up at 6....) I haven't finished homework, from today I have to wear some supporter thing on my right leg because I had a crack in my ankle bone! >:O And I can't go bowling with my friends on Monday, I was suppose to go skating with my friends on saturday (and my other friend, who also fractured something on the same day, at the same place can't come too now) And yesterday, I tripped, got stepped on, bumped into things and now my whole body hurts.

Not sure if anyone would want to look at my boring journal of nothing, but if you are looking at this, welcome...? ^_^; My interests right now are Anime/Manga and J-rockers. (Nightmare, Serial Number, Alice Nine, Miyavi, An Cafe, Girugamesh, etc.) Anyways, nice to meet you~